NFR Humor

[mark wlker]

An Atheist was walking through the woods.
'What majestic trees! 'What powerful rivers !'What beautiful animals!

Suddenly, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.
He turned to look ..And saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him.
He ran as fast as he could along the path.
He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing on him .....
He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer ..
.. And then ..... He tripped and fell.
Rolling over to pick himself up, he found the bear was right on top of him
……Reaching towards him with its left paw ..... And raising the right paw to strike ...
At that instant the Atheist cried out, 'Oh my God!'
Time Stopped ..The bear froze ......The forest was silent ...
A bright light shone upon the man, And a voice came out of the sky ....
"You deny my existence for all these years, You teach others I
don't exist And even credit creation to cosmic accident ........
Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament?"
"Am I now to count you as a believer?"
The atheist looked directly into the light .....
"It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as
a Christian now ...
But perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian?"
"Very well," said the voice ...
The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed ....
The bear dropped his right arm ...Brought both paws together ...
Bowed his head & spoke...
"Lord, bless this food, which I am about to receive through thy bounty. Amen."

 

[mark wlker]

Supposedly carved on a cowboy's tombstone

FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW FOR A HAPPY LIFE:
1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks from time to time, cleans up, and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust, and doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed, and likes to be with you.

5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other or you could end up dead like me.

 

[Divad]

First-year students at North Carolina State University 's Vet School were receiving their first anatomy class, with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.

The professor started the class by telling them, "In Vet Medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal body.

For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the dead cow, withdrew it, and stuck it in his mouth.

"Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the anal opening of the dead cow and sucking on it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and told them "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger.

Now learn to pay attention."

I swear I’m going to try and recite this one day a few beers in and it’s going to be really bad.

 

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[Mossback]

Eric Thrapp

A 30 second clip of a cat watching a horror movie is the funniest thing I've seen this year. Turn the sound up to hear the movie. And watch her pupils. Lol

www.facebook.com

 

[Mossback]

 

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[MT_Flyfisher]

 

[Mossback]

 

[smc]

Judge: “Didn’t I tell you the last time that I never wanted to see you in court again?”

Prisoner: “Yes, your honor, you did, but I couldn’t make this cop believe it.”

 

[Mossback]

 

[TicTokCroc]

 

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[SteelHeadDave]