NFR Humor

[flybill]

 

[Capt Insano Emeritis]

 

[mark wlker]

I was standing at the bar at the VFW one night minding my own business.
This FAT ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my behind and said, "You're kinda cute. You
gotta phone number?"
I said, "Yeah, you gotta pen?"
She said, "Yeah, I got a pen".
I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you."
Cost me 6 stitches...but,
When you’re seventy...............who cares?
**********
I went to the drug store and told the clerk "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."
Lady Clerk: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?”
I said "Nah... She's purty good lookin'....."
When you’re seventy..............who cares?
***********
I was talking to a young woman in the VFW last night.
She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd
look all right.”
I said, “If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you.”
Cost me a fat lip, but...
When you’re seventy...............who cares?
**********
I was telling a woman in the Club about my ability to guess what day a
woman was born just by feeling her breasts.
"Really" she said, "Go on then... try."
After about thirty seconds of fondling, she began to lose patience
and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"
I said, "Yesterday."
Cost me a kick in the nuts, but...
When you’re seventy...............who cares?
*********
I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today.
The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.
When you’re seventy...............who cares?
**********
I went to our VFW last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on
a table.
I said, "Good legs."
The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so?"
I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."
Cost me 6 more stitches, but...
When you’re seventy...............who cares?

 

[mark wlker]

 

[Stonedfish]

 

[Porter2]

That first pic reminds me of South Bend, WA. And yeah I got tagged heading south as I was accelerating from 40 to 50 before I was at the 50MPH sign. There was a 30MPH before the 40MPH too. Cop was heading north and flipped a Uie and gave me a 47 in a 40mph zone ticket. I was a bit flabbergasted, but he was very adamant that I could not even go 41 until I had passed the 50MPH sign. I was probably less than 20 yards from the 50MPH when he flipped around. Now I hit cruise control going through that stretch of towns …Raymond-South Bend, .(You can see them hiding a block or two in their cruisers of the main way HWY 101.)

 

[Old406Kid]

 

[Jack Devlin]

 

[Dloy]

That first pic reminds me of South Bend, WA. And yeah I got tagged heading south as I was accelerating from 40 to 50 before I was at the 50MPH sign. There was a 30MPH before the 40MPH too. Cop was heading north and flipped a Uie and gave me a 47 in a 40mph zone ticket. I was a bit flabbergasted, but he was very adamant that I could not even go 41 until I had passed the 50MPH sign. I was probably less than 20 yards from the 50MPH when he flipped around. Now I hit cruise control going through that stretch of towns …Raymond-South Bend, .(You can see them hiding a block or two in their cruisers of the main way HWY 101.)

Somewhere South of Amanda Park, near the Humptulips Xing, there was (or is) a speed trap on 101 that the Tribal Police monitor. Coming around a blind corner I got popped for 50 something in a 40. His pull out was just past the speed sign. You’d have to know the sign was there for any chance to slow down. Nice guy though. I could pay him then and there and it wouldn’t show up on my record, or fight it in court, in Taholah, in 2 weeks. How convenient.

 

[Mukman]

I’ve received a Valentine from a secret admirer for the past 25 years. This year I didn’t get one and I’m really upset.

First my Gran dies, and now this.

 

[JudyM]

Somewhere South of Amanda Park, near the Humptulips Xing, there was (or is) a speed trap on 101 that the Tribal Police monitor. Coming around a blind corner I got popped for 50 something in a 40. His pull out was just past the speed sign. You’d have to know the sign was there for any chance to slow down. Nice guy though. I could pay him then and there and it wouldn’t show up on my record, or fight it in court, in Taholah, in 2 weeks. How convenient.

Sounds just like Northbound 99E (McLoughlin) before you hit Milwaukie City Limits. The radar van hides just behind the railroad overpass abutment just as it drops from 40mph to 30mph. Locals know about it, sometimes it is there and sometimes it isn't. SUPRIZE!

 

[Porter2]

Somewhere South of Amanda Park, near the Humptulips Xing, there was (or is) a speed trap on 101 that the Tribal Police monitor. Coming around a blind corner I got popped for 50 something in a 40. His pull out was just past the speed sign. You’d have to know the sign was there for any chance to slow down. Nice guy though. I could pay him then and there and it wouldn’t show up on my record, or fight it in court, in Taholah, in 2 weeks. How convenient.

Kinda same thing. Pay $109.00 within 10 days and no further traffic tickets for next 6 months and they will toss it and not report it, or come back 4 weeks later for court. Cash trap.

 

[Mossback]

 

[_WW_]

That first pic reminds me of South Bend, WA. And yeah I got tagged heading south as I was accelerating from 40 to 50 before I was at the 50MPH sign. There was a 30MPH before the 40MPH too. Cop was heading north and flipped a Uie and gave me a 47 in a 40mph zone ticket. I was a bit flabbergasted, but he was very adamant that I could not even go 41 until I had passed the 50MPH sign. I was probably less than 20 yards from the 50MPH when he flipped around. Now I hit cruise control going through that stretch of towns …Raymond-South Bend, .(You can see them hiding a block or two in their cruisers of the main way HWY 101.)

State Trooper told me when the speed limit is decreasing you need to be at the limit when you hit the sign. When the speed limit is increasing you can do the limit as soon as you can read the sign.

 

[Stonedfish]

I got popped by a stater on 283 between George and Ephrata. I was doing 13 over, so guilty has charged. He was coming at me and hung a u-turn. I just pulled over before he could even turn on his lights, as I knew we was going to pop me.
He came up to the window and asked “why are you going so fast?” I told him I was excited because I was going fishing. His reply…“the fish will wait”. My FIL at the time was in the rig with me busted out laughing after his reply. Since this is the humor thread and I was the one getting the ticket, I found his reply rather humorless.
SF

 

[Dloy]

No question it’s a revenue stream. I’d bet my head that no one opted to drive back to court in Taholah later and tried to fight it. I only hope the money got to the community. Last I was there it was pretty sad.

 

[Sturubu]

Somewhere South of Amanda Park, near the Humptulips Xing, there was (or is) a speed trap on 101 that the Tribal Police monitor. Coming around a blind corner I got popped for 50 something in a 40. His pull out was just past the speed sign. You’d have to know the sign was there for any chance to slow down. Nice guy though. I could pay him then and there and it wouldn’t show up on my record, or fight it in court, in Taholah, in 2 weeks. How convenient.

Tokeland dinged me for almost $250 as I accelerated from 30 to 50 mph leaving town. The officer claimed I was doing 50-something. I made my donation, recommended they use the funds for either new gear or training / calibration of existing and have not been back since. 5 years and I am still bitter.

 

[Shawn Seeger]

 

[joefromchicago]

State Trooper told me when the speed limit is decreasing you need to be at the limit when you hit the sign. When the speed limit is increasing you can do the limit as soon as you can read the sign.

I was once pulled over by a trooper and told I was basically obstructing traffic at 5 mph  over the speed limit. Go figure.

 

[Fourbtgait]

I was pulled over back in the 80’s on interstate in Mississippi, 2 in the morning. Going from Nashville to Houston. Cruise control set at 110, no one on the highway.
pulled me over, got out, met him. Asked if I was alone, said no, friend sleeping in the extended cab. So woke him up, HP asked if he knew how fast I was going. Nope, i was asleep.
He looked in the canopy of the truck. Full of carpenters tools, camping gear.
He let me go. Said he can’t just ticket me, but since out of state has to take me in and…… he would have to inventory the truck……