Before bringing a dog into your home, you'll need to establish some firm ground rules.......
THE DOG RULES
THE DOG RULES
- The new dog is never permitted in the house. The new dog stays outside, in a specially-but compartment named, for a very good reason, “the doghouse”.
- OK. The dog can enter the house, but only for short visits, or if his own house is under renovation.
- OK. The dog can stay in the house on a permanent basis provided his doghouse can be sold in a lawn sale to a rookie dog owner.
- Inside the house, the dog is not allowed to run free, but is confined to a comfortable, but secure, metal cage.
- OK. The cage becomes part of a “two-for-one” deal in the lawn sale and the dog can go wherever the hell he pleases.
- The dog is never allowed on the furniture.
- OK. The dog can get up on the old furniture, but not on the new furniture.
- OK. The dog can get up on the new furniture until it looks like the old furniture and then we’ll sell the whole works in a yard sale and buy new furniture on which he’ll definitely not be allowed.
- The dog never sleeps on the bed. Period.
- OK. The dog can sleep at the foot of the bed only.
- OK. The dog can sleep alongside you, but he’s not allowed under the covers.
- OK. The dog can sleep alongside you under the covers, but not with his head on your pillow.
- OK. The dog can sleep alongside you, under the covers, with his head on the pillow, but if he snores, he’s got to leave the room.
- OK. The dog can sleep and snore and fart and have nightmares in your bed, but he’s not allowed to come in and sleep on the couch, which is where you’re now sleeping because THAT’S JUST NOT FAIR!!!
- In the event of any confusion regarding the above, just remember: