NFR Humor
- Thread starter Buzzy
- Start date
Non-fishing related
Sorry to hear that.
Attachments
Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest almost fell down when he saw him. He'd never been to church in his life.
After Mass, the priest caught up with him and said, "Murphy, I am so glad ya decided to come to Mass. What made ya come?"
Murphy said, "I got to be honest with you Father, a while back, I misplaced me hat and I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had a hat just like mine and I knew he came to church every Sunday. I also knew that he had to take off his hat during Mass and figured he would leave it in the back of the church. So, I was going to leave after Communion and steal McGlynn's hat."
The priest said, "Well, Murphy, I notice that ya didn't steal McGlynn's hat. What changed your mind?"
Murphy replied, "Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I decided that I didn't need to steal McGlynn's hat after all"
With a tear in his eye the priest gave Murphy a big smile and said, "After I talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Steal' ya decided you would rather do without your hat than burn in hell?"
Murphy slowly shook his head. "No, Father, after ya talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery' I remembered where I left me hat."
After Mass, the priest caught up with him and said, "Murphy, I am so glad ya decided to come to Mass. What made ya come?"
Murphy said, "I got to be honest with you Father, a while back, I misplaced me hat and I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had a hat just like mine and I knew he came to church every Sunday. I also knew that he had to take off his hat during Mass and figured he would leave it in the back of the church. So, I was going to leave after Communion and steal McGlynn's hat."
The priest said, "Well, Murphy, I notice that ya didn't steal McGlynn's hat. What changed your mind?"
Murphy replied, "Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I decided that I didn't need to steal McGlynn's hat after all"
With a tear in his eye the priest gave Murphy a big smile and said, "After I talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Steal' ya decided you would rather do without your hat than burn in hell?"
Murphy slowly shook his head. "No, Father, after ya talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery' I remembered where I left me hat."
Mukman
Life of the Party
Murphy walked into the pub one Sunday evening, and ordered three Guinesses and proceeded to slowly drink them. He repeated the process for the next couple of Sundays until the bartender suggested he should order the pints one at a time, so they would stay colder and fresher as he drank them.
Murphy explained, “Na, I drink them like this because I have two brothers that live in other countries. We committed to each other that every Sunday that we would drink one for each of us”
This went on for about a year. One Sunday, Murphy came in and ordered only two pints. The entire pub went silent, and many removed their hats. The bartender came over and said, “I’m sorry for your loss.”
Murphy looked confused for a minute and then smiled and said, “Nah, me brothers are OK. But me wife and me joined the new Baptist church in town and I had to quit drinking.”
Murphy explained, “Na, I drink them like this because I have two brothers that live in other countries. We committed to each other that every Sunday that we would drink one for each of us”
This went on for about a year. One Sunday, Murphy came in and ordered only two pints. The entire pub went silent, and many removed their hats. The bartender came over and said, “I’m sorry for your loss.”
Murphy looked confused for a minute and then smiled and said, “Nah, me brothers are OK. But me wife and me joined the new Baptist church in town and I had to quit drinking.”
Bambooflyguy
Life of the Party
A guy walks int a bar and orders a shot of whiskey, drinks it and orders another. After five shots, the bartender asks, “not to pry but you’ve been shooting them down quickly, what’s up?” The guy looks at him and says, “my first blow job!” The bartender says congratulations, let me buy you one! The guy looks back and says…..”no thanks, if five shots won’t get rid of this awful taste….I don’t think six will.”
No worries! They've drastically increased weight capacities for American IKEA outlets.
If you order online just make sure to check the 'American Big-Boned Wide-Body' box. And rest assured; their American market furniture is assembled with ASE certified 1/4" carriage bolts instead of those stupid little allen wrench bolts..
Last edited:
I shall take you to bed and have my way with you.
I will make you ache, shake, shudder and sweat until you moan and groan.
I will make you beg me to stop!
When I am finished, you will be weak for days!
Sincerely,
The Flu
I will make you ache, shake, shudder and sweat until you moan and groan.
I will make you beg me to stop!
When I am finished, you will be weak for days!
Sincerely,
The Flu
Patience.................
If we are patient and wait a long time, the Catholics will be able to eat meat on Friday's.
If we are really patient and wait a long, long time, the Jews will be able to eat pork.
If we are really, really, really patient, and wait a long, long, long, lllloooooonnnnnng time, the Baptist's will drink in front of each other.
If we are patient and wait a long time, the Catholics will be able to eat meat on Friday's.
If we are really patient and wait a long, long time, the Jews will be able to eat pork.
If we are really, really, really patient, and wait a long, long, long, lllloooooonnnnnng time, the Baptist's will drink in front of each other.
Hovercat
You know how they throw the game ball into the crowd after winning the game?
That's not allowed in bowling.
I know that now....
That's not allowed in bowling.
I know that now....
I bowled in a bantom and junior league every Saturday as a kid. I recall some under classman snapping me with towels after I threw a shot in our opposing league game. I put up with the whippwrsnappers until I saw red. Grabbed an 15lb bowling ball and chucked with a chest thrust a couple feet into the ahole Robbies chest which knocked him on his back. I leaped and landed knees first on his chest and grabbed him by the neck right behind me Lorraine the supervisor for the sometimes rowdy bunch of 12-14 year old league bowlers was right on us pulling me off him . She was shocked and trying not to smile. I had lost it. This scRed the crap out of the 5- 12-13 year olds in the group. And they never messed with or provoked me ever again. Dad told me I must have inherited his “seeing red” history. So yeah a bowling ball was thrown. It was an adrenaline thingYou know how they throw the game ball into the crowd after winning the game?
That's not allowed in bowling.
I know that now....
